Alton Lister's Analysis of the Philippine Cup

Seriously, with that headline, how do you possibly avoid reading the story? Three stoned sophomores at the University of Oregon playing mad-libs couldn't imagine stringing together seven more bizarre words than that.

Well, unless they included one of the clubs Lister expects to contend for the title: the Purefoods Tender Juicy Giants.

Yes, the Purefoods Tender Juicy Giants.

It says something when the Talk 'n Text Tropang Texters aren't the most ridiculous-sounding team in your league, or that I haven't even mentioned that there's another team called Alaska (does this count towards Sarah Palin's international experience?), but, c'mon, that's one fantastic team name there, no? Let's have a look-see at their logo ...





Yep, that's just about the perfect Philippine Basketball Association logo you've got there, my friend. Crazy, nonsensical name? Check. Excessive adjectification? check. Appropriation of popular American team name? Check. Blatant rip-off of said team's logo and/or colors and/or both? Check, double-check, and triple-check.

Kind of makes one wonder, though, what would happen if NBA owners decided to use the same mentality with their clubs. You know, if we weren't so hung up on looking and sounding tough in our pro sports world, maybe the Lakers would become, oh, I don't know, the Los Angeles Tender Juicy Teenage Girl Lovers? Would the Knicks become the Mighty Strong Cable Layers? Would the Sonix become ...

Well, I'll let you finish that last one.