Wednesday, September 28

Nicknames

With the Sonics inking Flip Murray yesterday, only Reggie Evans remains in finishing their roster moves for the summer. With that in mind, how about an in-depth statistical analysis of every Sonic player’s per-minute/per-second contri...

Aw, screw it. It’s raining outside here in Vancouver and the last thing I want to think about is how many points per minute Vladimir Radmanovic scores when he’s playing small forward while Flip plays the 2. So, without further ado, it’s time for the

GREATEST SONIC NICKNAMES OF ALL TIME!

C: Big Smooth
Reason: Epitomizes Sam Perkins’ character to a T. You can feel the slow, almost lackadaisical way he back-pedaled to his defensive position.

PF: The X-Man
Reason: Before the X-Files, there was the X-Man. The baddest man in Sonic history also has the baddest nickname. Think Wes Matthews would argue?

SF: Tommy Gun
Reason: Tom Chambers never met a shot he didn’t like.

SG: Downtown
Reason: It ties perfectly with Fred Brown’s game, it rhymes, and it is the perfect 70s nickname.

PG: The Wizard
Reason: Gus Williams was all over the court back in the day, and his moves merited the nickname. Bonus points for alliteration.

Reserves: The Glove, The Reign Man, Slick, JJ, DJ, Mac-10, Big Ben, Det, The Fiddler, The Brick, Cool Breeze, The Collector, Bones, Ukraine Train, and Bob “Ja” Rule (the last, alas, exists merely in my imagination).

Let the debating begin.

26 comments:

Rich King said...

yo, what about James "100%" Cotton?

I'm also partial to The Human Eraser - Marvin Webster

Downtown Freddy Brown is the best in my book. As you mentioned, it just sums up the player and era perfectly.

Carl said...

Come on now, The Potato is clearly the best knickname of all time!

Too bad no one but us uses it. Someone call Collaboro!

Carl

b_con said...

Kobe Killer was a brilliant nickname. Its good because Ruben Patterson probably has killed several people, and there is a decent chance one of them was named Kobe. Big Smooth is great. The future of the sonics center nicknames: Robert "Isn't very" Swift.

Nuss said...

b-con, that line about Patterson made me laugh right out loud. What does it say about Ruben that making a comment such as yours is not outside the realm of possibilty? I don't like to judge other people's lives, but Patterson is one messed-up dude.

Nuss said...

I didn't go into this in the article, but I never liked the Reign Man nickname. Calabro gave it to him, obviously, right after the movie came out and I always wondered about the wisdom of naming a great athlete after a stumbling savant. Plus, the whole "reign" vs. "rain" thing was too confusing in my opinion. Exactly what was Shawn reigning over?

To me, and I said this 10 years ago (chunk can back me up), the best nickname would have been Shawn "Hurricane" Kemp. Now, of course, after Katrina and Rita, it wouldn't have such a nice connotation, but there's alliteration to the name, it ties perfectly with his fantastic dunking ability, and his ability to just fly through the lane and obliterate the opponents' defenders. It's too late now, but I always thought it was a better fit.

chunkstyle23 said...

My faves in no particular order:
-Slick
-Downtown
-Cool Breeze
-The Quiet Man (could be 'cause I dig that movie)
-The Glove

Least fave:
-Sweet Lew (Rashard Lewis) Has yet to really catch on. Neither did "The Quiet Man," but it probably has more to do with 'Shard's nickname-resistant personality.
-Pookie (Eric Snow) Garfield's teddy bear has had one of those "steady but unspectacular" careers. Also known as "Teammate to Future Hall of Famers." Yawn.
-Silent Assassin (Dale Ellis) At least, that's what they called him in the Costacos Bros. poster where they had him wearing a trenchcoat and sweats(?), hiding around the corner from a dude reading the paper, all while making the "Shush" face/gesture at the viewer. Like a lot of things that were "cool" in the 80s, it now comes across as just plain gay.
-Reign Man. Like Nuss said, it implied that Kemp was some kind of idiot savant. But after hearing it every night on SportsCenter, it was pointless to fight it, much like trying to single-handedly stop another bone-headed outbreak of The Wave at a Mariners game while the Big Unit was trying to concentrate.
-Larry Legend. Okay, Larry Bird was not a Sonic, but speaking of fighting against the tide, I always thought that "Legendary Larry" woulda been appropriate for a goofy looking guy with a goofy name.

Tim said...

Although he did not recieve his nickname while a Sonic, he was a Sonic none-the-less, Vinnie "The Microwave" Johnson.

b_con said...

I hope Nick Collison goes through with growing a handlebar moustache as he has hinted at. I just thought that would be cool, cause moustaches are great.

Paul Merrill said...

Dale Ellis makes Reggie Theus look straight in that poster, Chunk. And is that guy in the background taking a dump, or what? "Shhhhhh! He's going poo!"

Paul Merrill said...

Did Terrence Stansbury have a nickname? He had the sweetest non-game dunk of all time during the 1988(?) dunk contest—Statue of Liberty, baby!

True Sonics fans may remember this weird bit of nickname lore: The season before the Supes traded for Eddie "EJ" Johnson, they had another Eddie Johnson on the roster, but his nickname was "Fast" Eddie Johnson. Why do I remember this? Because I still have the team poster with him on it, and I always say "Hey, that's not Eddie Johnson!"

Here are some nicknames that I just made up for some neglected former Sonics:

Sedale "2 Sweet" Threat
Clemon "The Clemonator" Johnson
"Insane-ah" Dana Barros
Olden "They traded Scottie Pippen for me!" Polynice

Nuss said...

I can't believe I forgot "Moochie" Norris. Any nickname that becomes your new first name is always a good nickname in my book.

Dub V 1.2 said...

This is all well and good but we could be on the brink of the next great Sonic nickname with your own Brunson Burner. He is, dare I say, mint like Craigers the Cougar.

Reggie Bush said...

I dare say, Michael "John Shaft" Cage certainly deserves at least a footnote here. Sure he's a complicated man, but he was always willing to risk his neck for his brother man. Plus he never copped out when there was danger all about.

Not to mention the really big shoulders.

Lance Uppercut said...

Is Craig "Mint" Ehlo a nickname?

Anonymous said...

Cool Hand Luke???

Paul Merrill said...

I think new-school nicknames were omitted (Frodo lives!) I'm determined to have a new nickname for every player on the roster by openning night, but in the meantime:

Ray "All Day" Allen (aka Ray-Gun,Ray-Ray, Not Fey, EBay)
Rick "Brunson Burner"
Mateen "Meat" Cleaves
Nick "The Brick" Collison
Reggie "The Elbow" Evans
Danny "Da Fort" Fortson
Rashard "The Rash" Lewis (aka Sweet Lew, aka Summer School)
Mikki "The Stikki" Moore
Flip-Flop Murray
"Go on" Johan Petro
Vitaly "The Par-tay" Potapenko
Vladimir "Von Dunk-a-vic" Radmanovic (aka Rad-Man, aka Hair Boy)
"Use the Force" Luke Ridnour (aka Lil' Frodo, aka Cool Hand Luke, aka The Wee Lad)
Robert "Not So" Swift (thanks B-Con)
Danien "The Omen" Wilkens (aka Lil' Nique)

Paul Merrill said...

(Potapenko - aka The Potato, aka V-Pot, aka Big Hairy)

Nuss said...

Alas, Paul, you've forgotten the best nickname bestowed via supersonicsoul: Reggie Evans, aka "Mr. Glass." I've forgotten who wrote in with that name, but it's by far the best.

My own nominations:

"Sugar" Ray Allen (also from a commenter) - 'cause he's so darn sweet.
"The Potato" - I'm tooting my own horn here.
Vladimir "The Impaler" Radmanovic
Nick "The Hawk" Collison - KU and all

David said...

Where the frick is Big Paper Daddy?

chunkstyle23 said...

BIG PAPER DADDY! YES! How could I forget? Ricky Pierce, stackin' mad paper with the pull up jumper from 18 feet out!

Horn Self-Toot Dept:
Bob "Edel" Weiss (Mr. Slate)

Tim said...

How about Nick "Supercut" Collison, since that is really where he gets his hair cut (according to Softy, since he ran into him there!)

Anonymous said...

I know you all know this nickname; we all do, but how was it not good? "The Glove" ?!?!?

=LOSER said...

I was always a fan of Yabba Dabba Drobnjak, and his Drobnjak's Manjaks, personally

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