Bizarro World

Remember the episode of Seinfeld where all the characters were backwards; George was suave, Elaine was neurotic, etc., etc. Well, last night was a Bizarro World Sonics game.

One team shot 23 3's, one team shot 8.

One team had 44 boards, one team had 28.

One team had 6 guys in double-figures, one team had 3.

Oddly enough, it was the Sonics who took fewer 3's, rebounded better, and featured balanced scoring. Naturally, it took an injury to their best player to accomplish those feats, but it was a great win nonetheless. Damien Wilkins had himself the kind of night we've been expecting for 2 1/2 years - 10 points, 8 boards, 4 assists, all in a mere 23 minutes.

But, to me, the best part of the win was seeing Rashard Lewis take over as the leader. For a long time, we've questioned Lewis' ability to be THE MAN on a team as he's always seemed like a second-banana, Scottie Pippen type player.

But maybe we're wrong, maybe Rashard IS capable of being the guy, he's just never had the opportunity. We often forget how young Rashard is, and how long it takes some guys to grow into their height and get used to the league. I'm not saying the Sonics should deal Ray Allen this weekend, but the idea of Rashard Lewis as team leader doesn't look so bad.

Vote for Jelly Belly

If you follow the sports world a little too in-depth, no doubt you’ve heard about the Vote for Rory phenomenon in the hockey world.

Rory Fitzpatrick, an anonymous defenseman for the Vancouver Canucks, has drawn more than 30,000 votes as a write-in candidate for the NHL All-Star game – all due to a website created by some goofy Canuck fan(s). By posting his appeal on message boards, and receiving publicity from places like deadspin.com, it has gotten to the point where Fitzpatrick – who has yet to register a goal or an assist this season – is now in the top 15 for defensemen.

Well, I’d like to take that attitude to the hoops world. My write-in candidate? One Mr. Mickaël Gelabale. The rookie forward from France doesn’t deserve to play in the all-star game, but since when did that mean anything?

Herewith, five reasons to vote for Mickaël Gelabale:

1. Best hair in the NBA – bar none.
2. He's the best player in NBA history from Guadeloupe.
3. He doesn’t just have game, he has “French game.”
4. He could kick Tony Parker’s butt.
5. He has an umlaut in his first name.

So, Sonic Nation, do your part. Go to the all-star ballot page, swing down towards the bottom, click on the write-in section, scroll down to Gelabale, and VOTE!

French Sonic Nation, put down your baguettes and help out!

German Sonic Nation, quit marveling at your Christian Welp poster and vote!

True Hoop, HoopsHype, all you big-time websites, do your part to spread the word.

Our goal is not to get Gelabale into the starting lineup, but merely to get his name in the top ten. If only we can frustrate one copy editor, then we’ll have done our part.

Roy Smalley and Ray Allen

Back in the early 1990s, George Will burst onto the baseball book scene with the hilariously titled “Men At Work.” It detailed how Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken, Orel Hershiser, and Tony LaRussa go about their business, and while it was overly fawning of the main characters, contained some above-average reading material.

One section in particular stayed with me. Will was a fan of the Cubs as a kid, and the Cubs’ shortstop in those days was one Roy Smalley (senior, not junior). Smalley was a dismal hitter, yet Will vividly recalled the team’s announcers talking about how Smalley was “due for a hit.” Will argued that Smalley was never due – that he was just a bad hitter and wasn’t due for anything beyond a strikeout.

Bill James took up this argument in a different form, in regard to people “breaking out of slumps” in one of his annual abstracts in the 1980s. James’ argument was that even if someone goes 4-for-5 after weeks of 0-for-4s, it doesn’t mean he’s going to run off a streak of multi-hit games. It just meant he went 4-for-5 today.

Why am I bringing up all of this on a website devoted to the Sonics? Because there seems to be some sort of idea that Ray Allen has broken out of his 3-point slump because of his stellar 4th-quarter performance on Saturday against the Jazz.

After 3 quarters of play on Saturday, Sugar Ray was all of 2-for-9 from the field – flat-out lousy. Of course, in the final quarter he caught fire, nailing 4 of 6 from beyond the arc.

Does that mean anything, though? Why does one good quarter outweigh 3 lousy ones – or about 30 lousy ones if you count the previous half-dozen games? Is it just our desire for the universe to become orderly, for the sun to rise in the west and Ray Allen to shoot lights-out?

I’m sorry, but the last time Ray went 4-for-9 from long-distance he followed it up by hitting 10 of his next 46, the very slump he’s supposed to have emerged from in Salt Lake City.

I’m not an idiot – I know Ray Allen’s a borderline superstar and quite possibly the best shooter in the game. But something’s wrong with his stroke this year, and whether it’s the new ball, poor health, or jock itch is anybody’s guess.

Just don’t expect me to believe all is better because of what happened in the course of 10 minutes in Utah.