Reality Premises

I’m sure that you are as excited as I am about the new Shaquille O’Neal reality television show, “Shaq’s Big Challenge,” which debuts tonight on ABC. O’Neal, never the slimmest man in the NBA, has decided to lend his vast knowledge of weight gain and loss to a group of children who are struggling with there own weight problems. And hilarity ensues.

But it got me to thinking, what other current or former NBA stars would be able to pull off a reality show? What would the subjects be? Let’s dig into the ABC archives to find a few shows that didn’t quite make the cut:

SHAWN PATROL – It’s ‘To Sir, With Love’ for a whole new generation when Shawn Kemp tutors a group of high school students on the dangers of premartial sex. But what will Shawn say when it’s revealed that the group of kids aren’t just any group of kids – they’re his own!

OAK TOWN – Charles Oakley throws his weight behind a project that aims to help kids in trouble with drugs learn the dangers of marijuana use. Expect many guest stars.

VLADE’S VALLEY – What do you do when someone pushes you? Former NBA star Vlade Divac says don’t push pack, flop! Divac’ shows a bunch of 8-year-olds tormented by bullies that the best revenge is to always make it look like the other kid started it. Special guest appearance from Karl Malone.

ROBERT’S BIG RIDE – Lots of people will tell you that working hard and buckling down is the surest way to climb the ladder of success, but NBA great Robert Horry teaches a group of struggling middle-management types that glomming onto already successful organizations is the sure-fire way to reach the top. “Don’t start at the bottom and work your way up,” instructs Horry. “Start at the top and just hang out!”

Northwest Report

Thought I’d take a cue from the college ranks and try to capture the Northwest Division in a weekly column. After all, the Sonics will be playing these teams 20-odd times next year, so don’t you think you ought to know what they’re up to this off-season?

(Okay, it’s Friday and I’m tired of re-running the same boring Rashard Lewis rumors).

UTAH:
McSean makes a point I’ve been pondering for a while now – should the Jazz and Sonics hook up in a Rashard-for-AK47 deal? He makes the point that both teams would actually be better off for the move, with the Jazz adding some scoring from Ra and the Sonics getting much-much-much needed defense from AK ... retiresloan.com brings up a great quote from Hot Rod Hundley in regard to Jerry Sloan’s teams, “Sloan’s teams don’t seem to play well in the playoffs, they play scared or something.” He also mentions how it seems as though Kirilenko’s defense seems to improve with more touches on offense. Not a good sign for the Sonics if they pick him up, as AK would be #3 in the offensive hierarchy behind Sugar Ray and Durant ... harpringsucks.com’s Sirkickyass makes this request if the Jazz part with AK: Pick up Ron Artest, if only to replicate AK’s surrealness. You’ll also want to scroll down to see how they compared this year’s roster to Star Wars characters. I especially enjoyed the Jerry Sloan-Emperor Palpatine comparison.

MINNESOTA:
Drew Boatman at Timberwolves Den surveys the landscape at the #7 or #8 pick (this was written before the lottery), and conjectures that “the only thing that comes up good in the 7 or 8 spot is when you have 7 or 8 pancakes and a whole mess o' boysenberry.” That’s a quality line. He has no love for Corey Brewer, which I don’t understand, nor for Spencer Hawes, which I do. ... Lil Dice from I Heart KG relays a story from Las Vegas about how bettors’ reacted to the tanking at the end of the season. “It was very apparent ... that (Minny, Memphis, and Boston) were tanking games,” said handicapper Jim Kruger. Which led me to wonder: As a Wolves fan this year, how could you tell when your team was tanking and when it was playing its very best? Also, Lil Dice also mentions that Spencer Hawes has reportedly received a promise from the Wolves that he’ll get picked at #8 if he’s still available. Sorry, Minny. Somehow, I’m guessing Garnett would be less than thrilled with that idea.

DENVER:
Dan Lucero from solidgold.com says the NBA is killing itself with its straightjacketed approach to rules interpretations, and that David Stern is taking the emotion – and the enjoyment – right on out of the league ... It appears that the Nuggets off-court activities this summer will take place in court. DerMarr Johnson has been arrested for resisting arrest (he probably wouldn’t be back next year, anyway) and JR Smith has been cited in a horrific New Jersey car accident ... Brett Edwards reports on a LA Times bit which says the Nuggets and Lakers are/were in talks about sending Marcus Camby to LA for Kwame Brown. It’s a money-saving deal for the Nuggets.

PORTLAND:
Just to taunt their fellow NWers up I-5, Dave at blazersedge.com asks his readers to pick who they want with the #1 pick. Quit mocking us, Blazer fans, and making us daydream about Greg Oden in a Sonics jersey. Everybody outside of Kevin Durant thinks Oden is going #1. Stop messing with our heads. ... Casey Holdahl notes that the Blazers received more love in one chat from David Thorpe at espn.com than they did in the past 4 years ... Blazersblog wonders if the Arenas free agency situation impacts upon the Zach Randolph +pick for Antawn Jamison +pick deal ... A nice piece by Jim Taylor at blazersevangelist about a new book on the ’77 Blazers (because, as even Sonic fans can attest, there’s nothing like celebrating the only championship in your town’s history). He also sheds light on a billboard in Portland that urges drivers to honk once for Oden and twice for Durant.

Scooter to pick pal P.J. for Sonics?

Just weeks after being seen at a hotel with Rick Carlisle, the P.I. reports that new Sonics whiz kid GM Sam "Scooter" Presti will soon be dating interviewing old Spurs chum P.J. Carlesimo for the long vacant head coaching job:

Out of head coaching since being fired by the Golden State Warriors in 1999, Carlesimo is emerging as a candidate for the Sonics' position and is on new general manager Sam Presti's short coaching list.

Presti said this week that the coaching search was "going well and we're making fast progress," but he declined to acknowledge any candidates. The San Antonio Express-News reported Thursday that Carlesimo could meet with Presti as soon as the Spurs' season ended, and Presti is expected to begin interviewing candidates next week.

The other apparent candidates are former Detroit and Indiana coach Rick Carlisle and ex-Minnesota coach and Sonics assistant Dwane Casey.

Read the rest in the Seattle P.I.

Considering how late in the game they started shopping around for a coach, the Sonics are lucky those three are still left in the bargain bin.

Postcard from Cleveland

Carlisle out in Indy, in with the Sonics?

"Yes I can coach up-tempo, and yes I know Kung-Fu."

Could new Sonics GM Sam "Scooter" Presti be luring recently sacked Pacers coach Rick Carlisle to Seattle? Inquiring minds want to know:

Carlisle declined to comment Tuesday on the Sonics' position but said he understood the uncanny timing of his decision to break ties with the Pacers and Seattle's coaching search.

"My announcement was purely procedural in nature," he said by phone Tuesday. "According to my contract, there was a day I had to decide to return in a front-office capacity. Out of respect to the Pacers, I felt it was better to let them know sooner instead of later. The timing of this announcement has absolutely no connection to the Sonics' coaching opening."

There is a link, however, between Carlisle and new Sonics general manager Sam Presti, who has not acknowledged any coaching candidates since taking over on Thursday. According to an NBA source, Carlisle and Presti were seen talking at a Salt Lake City hotel during the Western Conference finals before Presti took the Sonics job.

Read the rest in the Seattle P.I.

Seen together at a hotel last week? It was either a job interview, or a love that dare not speak it's name. Either way, I'm cool with it.

The Rookie

This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows how the world works today, but as of June 12, 2007, Kevin (total 0 games played) Durant’s wikipedia.com article is as long as anyone on the Sonics, with the exception of Ray Allen, and he’s within a paragraph or so of eclipsing Ray. Or, you could look at it from this angle:

Total number of words for Kevin Durant: 736
Total number of words for Earl Watson, Mickael Gelabale, Johan Petro, Mo Sene, Robert Swift, and Damien Wilkins: 720

I think it’s safe to say that Kevin Durant will be the biggest profile rookie in Seattle sports history, with the only possible exceptions being Ken Griffey, Jr. and Brian Bosworth. Let us all hope he’s more like the former than the latter.

Gomes, Ratliff & Pick for Lewis?

That’s the rumor you’re hearing on the internet right now. At celticsblog, the posters are giddy with delight at picking up an all-star forward without having to surrender the #5 pick in this year’s draft.

And rightly so. From Seattle’s perspective, this really smacks of a desperation move. Ratliff is an aging shot-blocker who would have been a nice pickup 5 years ago, but he’s coming off a season when he missed 80 of 82 games. Gomes is a 6’7” forward who spent more time at PF than SF last year, and his defense is even worse than Rashard’s, at least looking at it statistically.

To be fair, Gomes is only 24 and is an above-average shooter from deep, something the Sonics will need this year if they deal away Rashard and are unable to find a veteran 2-guard to help Ray Allen. And, unlike Lewis, he seems capable of scoring from close range, despite the fact he’s 3 inches shorter than Rashard, which means he gets more free throw opportunities. And, unlike Lewis, he’s a decent rebounder, especially when you consider the difference in height.

In total, the Sonics would improve their rebounding, gain a bit of a presence inside ... and be even worse off offensively than they are now. The #1 pick for 2008 sounds great when you consider how bad the Celtics are, and if they played in the West I think I’d be all for the deal.

But the Celtics play in the Eastern Conference, which means they are – like Dan Quayle – a heartbeat away from screwing everything up.

If my options are this deal or the Shane Battier deal, Kirilenko, or Shawn Marion, I would definitely tell Danny Ainge thanks, but I’m going to have to take this other call.

Now, if Danny wants to include this year’s pick ...

Magic Merry-Go-Round

According to the ever-reliable Sam Smith, Orlando's new coach, Stan Van Gundy, is very interested in maintaining the Milic-Howard combination.

But, wait! Smith has quotes to back up his claims!

"You've got two great assets here [Milicic and Dwight Howard]. You've got two young big guys in a league where everybody else is searching for one," says Van Moustache.

Meaning, as Smith points out, the Magic are firmly out of the Rashard Lewis Sweepstakes, and we don't have to worry about Darko suiting up for the Sonics next year.

Of course, all of this is assuming that a Sam Smith Rumor becomes fact, which is not exactly the best thing to bet on in this world. Let's hope that Van Gundy is telling the truth, and that the Sonics don't make the oft-rumored deal with the Magic that everyone's been expecting for it seems like 5 years now.

Mea Culpa

This past offseason, the Sonics had a decision to make with Chris Wilcox: sign him to a deal, or let him walk and pick up somebody else.

The most obvious choice was Cleveland’s Drew Gooden, who, like Wilcox, was a free agent. And to me, Gooden made more sense. I argued that Wilcox’ nice run in March and April of 2006 was a fluke, that he was more likely to be the guy he had been for the first 3 ½ years than he was to be the guy who threw up a 20-20 game against Houston and averaged close to a double-double while in the Sonic uni. Gooden, on the other hand, while not an all-star by any stretch, had proven capable of posting decent numbers on more than a two-month basis. Throw in Mike Dunleavy’s eagerness to shed Wilcox from the Clippers’ roster, and, well, it seemed to me that going for Gooden was the smartest move, and I said so here on this website.

Watching Gooden during the playoffs, though, and I’m beginning to see why the Sonics picked up Wilcox. Maybe it’s me, but it seems as though Gooden makes more bad plays per 40 minutes than anybody in the league, with the possible exception of Nene, who, in fairness, is from another solar system.

An example: In game 2, Gooden blocked a Tony Parker fast break runner in the lane, then stood and watched as Parker scrambled for the loose ball and put it back in. It seems like Gooden does this sort of thing all the time, not to mention getting left out of position on pick and rolls, failing to box out his man, well, I could on but you get the drift.

That’s the trouble with most statistics, they don’t tell you what you see from watching the games. You look at Gooden’s raw numbers, and you see a guy who averaged 11 points and 8.5 boards this year, right alongside his career numbers. You look at Wilcox and you see 13.5 points and 7.7 boards. Both seem to reflect more than adequate play for $6 million a year, right?

But then you look more closely, and you see that Gooden’s +/- numbers are atrocious. On a team that is competing for the NBA title right now, Gooden’s team was better off with him on the bench. And it’s not by a hair, either. When Drew sat this season, the Cavs allowed 6.5 fewer points per 48 minutes, and they scored more points (1.5) per 48 with him on the bench as well.

To put it another way, if the Cavs played 48 minutes with Drew Gooden, they won 106 to 105.6. If they played 48 minutes with him sitting at the barber shop getting his neck patch adjusted, they won 107.6 to 99. That’s huge, especially for a guy who is nominally their best power forward.

Wilcox, on the other hand, helped the Sonics on offense more than he hurt them on defense, netting them a positive result on-court (although his defense, as any Sonic fan will tell you, definitely needs a dose of improvement).

Where am I going with all of this? I guess I’m angling to admit that I was totally wrong about the Gooden v. Wilcox decision. Not Bowie v. Jordan wrong, but wrong nonetheless. Were the Sonics really ever in the position to take either of these two? I don’t know for sure, but if they were, it’s good they didn’t listen to me.

Stern Loves Seattle

Do Clay Bennett and David Stern ever talk to one another?

I wondered that when I read an AP story (found on SI.com) quoting Stern, in regard to the Seattle arena situation, as saying:

"I think it's just going to work itself out and I hope it does."

Contrast that to Bennett's comments at the Sam Presti press conference (or as they call it in Canada, 'presser'):

"So we’re without a process that I’m aware of relative to public participation in a building."

Add this into the whole Las Vegas debacle, when Bennett was called out on national television by Stern, and it leads you to believe that the commish may be slowly coming to the side of Seattle, leaving Bennett even more alone than he was before.

Culture Club

I’m hearing a lot about culture lately. From David Locke, who obviously believes it’s the right way to build a successful team, to Sam Presti, who didn’t use the word specifically, but you get the impression he’d go along with it, it’s become the mantra of the Sonics this summer.

But what is culture? There is much discussion of the Spurs’ “culture” and how it has spread to Cleveland, or the Jazz’ “culture”, or the Mavericks’ “culture,” but just what the heck is it? As Frank Hughes pointed out at the News Tribune, it’s all well and good to say you’re going to have a winning culture, but is there any substance to it?

Well, when I watch the Spurs and Cavs, it’s not “culture” that I think, it’s Tim Duncan and LeBron James. Fine, Mike Brown brought a culture from San Antonio to Cleveland, but it helps just a bit to have the most physically intimidating non-center in NBA history lining up for you every night.

The press can drone on all day about Popovich’s “family,” but if the Spurs had drafted Keith Van Horn with the third pick rather than Duncan with the first, would anybody even be talking about this? (By the way, how sickening was that piece at halftime for Bob Hill? I’m guessing the Hills are shopping for a new set today after Bob put his shoe through the old one last night.)

Likewise with Cleveland. Let’s say the Cavs get Chris Bosh or Darko rather than LeBron, are we still falling over ourselves about how beautiful the San Antonio system is? After all, the Heat don’t have a former Spurs assistant running their team, and somehow they managed to win a title last year. Sure, the Jazz are flying high right now, but their “culture” hadn’t managed a win in the playoffs since Karl Malone left. What was wrong with their culture the last four years? Did they lose the recipe somewhere at Temple?

And what kind of “culture” did the Lakers have when they won three straight? Presti talked a lot about “selflessness” in his press conference, but can you recall a more selfish team than those Lakers? LA was a family alright, but it was more like the Manson Family than the Waltons.

To be honest, I’d wager that Presti and the rest of the NBA knows that culture can only take you so far. Chemistry, family, and culture are all byproducts of winners. No one ever talks about the A’s culture, because they don’t have one. Their culture is winning, and finding the best players they can afford. In the end, it takes a superstar player who is committed to playing basketball on both ends of the court. MJ, Bird, Magic, Duncan, Hakeem ... there’s a thread common to all of those guys – they all played hard all the time (well, at least in the playoffs), they were obsessed with winning, and they were good on both sides of the court (which makes you wonder whether Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis will be getting their mail forwarded any time soon, but that’s another story).

A very wise man once said that talent wins games in the NBA, not coaches. The organization, the coaching staff, the “culture” if you will, all sounds great at press conferences and in power point presentations, but I’ll take a 6’10” small forward who can dunk with one hand and shoot 3’s with another, thank you very much.

Whither Wilkens?

If you haven't read Frank Hughes' piece on Lenny Wilkens, well, you really ought to check it out.

I don't think it's a mystery to anyone who reads this sight that while we're in love with Classic Lenny, the New Lenny isn't quite as beloved. Whether it's his neverending whining on television, his lackadaisical approach to staffing issues, or just the way he went about stabbing Bob Hill and Rick Sund in the back, the guy just creeps me out (and I don't just mean his accent; although, since I mentioned it, have you ever heard anyone who sounds like Lenny Wilkens? Other than Chris Walken?).

Anyway, Hughes points out that Wilkens' foot-dragging on the GM hire - including failing to contact the Spurs about Sam Presti - led to his downfall and the removal of his title. Going into today, I was a bit concerned about the Wilkens/Presti/Bennett power struggle. Would Lenny clamor for more Silas-type folks? Would he co-exist with a 30-year-old guy?

Well, worry no more. Not only has Lenny been removed from the color commentator position (the Sonics seem to go through commentators the way the Egyptians went through plagues), but I'm putting the over/under on his time in the Sonics' offices at 6 months.

Unfortunately, it likely means Rick Carlisle will soon be checking into the Hotel Sonic. In the sense that Carlisle has performed admirably in helping two franchises (Indy and Detroit) turn the corner in the regular season, it's wonderful. In the sense that Carlisle's offenses are about as fast-paced as 405 traffic on Friday afternoon, it's less wonderful.

Hopefully, Carlisle will adapt to his roster, and not the other way around. With Ray Allen, Kevin Durant, and possibly Rashard Lewis, this is a roster built for scoring. Obviously, if the Sonics can find a way to win 55 games by winning a plethora of 85-82 slugfests like last night's Finals game, the fans will come around. But is that the kind of basketball you'd get excited about watching?