Seattle Supersonics (Fake) Vintage Valentines

Happy Valentine's Day, Sonics fans! Here are some authentic fake Seattle Supersonics valentines to print out and give to your sweetheart. Or, you know, your dog or whatever. (Click below to see all of them)

New Seattle Supersonics Arena (circa 1990)

After spending a day rummaging through the Supersonicsoul video archives (my spider-ridden garage), I found this gem from 1990. It's from a Seattle Supersonics infomercial called "Sonics Slam Dunk Saturday" that featured clips from the 1989-90 Sonics and a preview of the upcoming 90-91 season, including pieces on new coach K.C. Jones (who would be fired the following season) and an exciting new rookie named Gary Payton.

The most interesting part of the show, however, was an in-depth look at the new Seattle Arena that was to be built next to the Kingdome. Who wants to call that number and reserve some luxury boxes?

The show, hosted by a mustached Kevin Calabro and sportscaster turned Sonics salesman Gary Spinell, was about two hours and the source material (a well-worn VHS tape that's probably full of spiders or baby rats) is not great, but I'll be posting the best parts to our new YouTube Channel, SupersonicsoulTV, so be sure to subscribe to get updates. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take about a thousand showers. SPIDERS!

Seattle: The Graveyard of NBA Arenas

This plan not only served as a basketball arena, but also an Imperial Shuttle for Darth Vader.

As Seattle and Sacramento both ramp up plans to build new NBA arenas, it's easy to forget how many times we've been down this road before. After all, Seattle is a town lousy with failed dreams and broken promises. From an extended monorail to a refurbished waterfront, we have rarely seen a good plan that wasn't worth killing with fire.

The Sonics have an especially bleak history of unfulfilled plans. During their 41 year residency, the Supes were often basketball vagabonds, couch surfing around the Puget Sound with stops at the old Coliseum, the Kingdome, the Tacoma Dome and even Hec Edmundson Pavilion, an old gym even too small for the University of Washington Huskies.

Fed up with the leaky roof and meager seating of their Seattle Center digs in the late 80s, former owner Barry Ackerley came close to sealing a deal for a new stadium. SeaFirst Arena of Seattle was to be built near the Kingdome and, like the current stadium plan, got the approval of the City Council before getting derailed by a parking dispute with (you guessed it) the Mariners. Ackerley was so frustrated by the lack of progress that he officially filed for relocation in 1990.

Luckily, cooler heads prevailed and Ackerley finally settled for a refurbished Coliseum, sparing us the indignity of watching the Kemp/Payton era unfold with the San Diego Sonics (shudder).

Another forgotten arena aberration took place more recently. In 2008, we were all going a little crazy about our team getting hijacked. And none went crazier than Seattle Supersonics legend Downtown Freddie Brown, who proposed one of the most ambitious/insane/awesome arena plans in the history of anything. This thing had everything. An interchangeable basketball/hockey court, retractable roof, waterfront view and, of yeah, it only cost ONE BILLION DOLLARS!

Sure, this place was total vaporware and had zero chance of ever being built, but can you imagine how awesome it would have been to see Squatch waterskiing in Puget Sound during halftime or Danny Fortson paragliding off a ferry onto the court before every game?

But alas, this was yet another Seattle sports pipe dream. And like Ackerley's arena before it, it serves as a warning to desperate fans in Seattle and Sacramento: don't count your weird, bundt cake-shaped arena before it's built.

It's Official: Seattle Sonics 2.0 Group Files for Kings Relocation

According to ESPN, AP and that David Stern guy, the Chris Hansen/Steve Ballmer group (or HAN-BALL, as I like to call them) has officially filed to relocate the Sacramento Kings to Seattle.

As a Sonics fan, I should be ecstatic right now. But I can't help but remember the sickening gut punch we all received back in 2008 when the same thing happened to us. My sincere best wishes to our friends in Sacramento and here's hoping all this drama will lead to new, less crazy owners for the Kings and a shiny new expansion team for Seattle.

Gary Payton: Hall of Fame

If you are a Sonic fan (and, no, I’m not sure what that means anymore, either), you’re undoubtedly aware that Gary Payton has been nominated for – and will almost undoubtedly win election to -  the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Loyal readers might recall a couple of articles we ran that attempted to decide whether specific players (Spencer Haywood and Jack Sikma) were logical candidates for the Hall. The articles were based on Bill James’ Keltner List (Basketball-Reference should also get credit for this idea; they’ve done it with dozens if not hundreds of players).

The whole endeavor left me a little cold, if only because the Basketball Hall of Fame is not like the Baseball Hall of Fame. It’s a bizarre, illogical stew of mismatched ingredients; a few potatoes here, a couple shrimp there, and, hey, let’s throw some brussel sprouts in because, why, well not?

Put it another way: The Baseball HOF makes (some) sense, and a coherent line of questioning can lead you to an answer to the ultimate question: Is Player X a Hall of Famer? The Basketball HOF, though, is a mess, and needs a completely different line of questioning.

But enough of my rambling. On to the questions!

Is Gary Payton a Hall of Famer?

Was he ever regarded as the best player in basketball? No, although he was probably considered the second- or third-best player in the league in the mid-90s and there is no shame in being second to the best player in history.

Was he the best player on his team? Absolutely, for many years.

Did he play for the Celtics? Yes, Payton played briefly … um, what does this have to do with anything?

Did he win a Championship with the Celtics? No, and I’m not sure why this matters, can we get back to the …

Did he play for the Knicks? Did he win a championship with the Knicks? No, he never played for the Knicks.

Did he ever win a Cup? Perhaps a Spangler Cup? Or a Macedonian Elite League Cup? What? He played in the NBA Finals three times and won it once. Is that what you mean?

Is he Brazilian? Did he ever score 40 points in a meaningless exhibition game while taking more than 30 shots? No, and this whole process is really starting to bug me.

Did he dominate at the collegiate level in a small sample size and then fail to replicate that success at the professional level in a larger sample size, but we really liked rooting for him in college, and geez, wasn’t it great when the Big East really mattered? Yeah, that’s a no. He was really good at Oregon State, though.

Did he play for perhaps Fort Wayne or Tri-Cities? Are you kidding with this?

Are you sure he didn’t play with the Knicks? I think I’ve had enough.

Hey, remember when we tried to nominate Yao Ming less than a year after he retired and even he thought it was a dumb idea? Wasn’t that kind of silly? Yeah, I guess that’s one way of describing it. Wait, what does this have to do with Gary Payton?

Was he a skinflint owner whose only real contribution to the game was selling his team to somebody else 30 years later and making a huge profit? Not really, no.

Did he play for Seattle or Portland? Yes! Yes, he did. Finally, a positive sign for us! Does this help …

Actually, we’re not really interested in Seattle and Portland, unless they played in the 70s, and even then, not so much. Seriously, go screw yourself.

The Terrible, Inevitable What If Machine

With San Francisco coming oh so close to winning the Super Bowl on Sunday, 49ers fans are going through the same emotional torment that Seattle Supersonics fans suffer through on a daily basis: the dreaded What If Syndrome.

What if they avoided that costly illegal formation penalty on the first play of the game?
What if the offense had shown up in the first half?
What if the power never came back on?

As a lifelong Sonics fan, I have spent most of my life going through this sort of masochistic mental torture.

What if Nate McMillan had stayed in 2004?
What if Steve Ballmer had bought the team in 2001 instead of Howard Schultz?
What if Jim McIlvaine had never been born?

Dwelling on these dark thoughts is, of course, pointless. Time is linear. It moves on, with or without you. And yet, for many sports fans, there is a tiny room in the back of the mind that stores a terrible, horrible device that keeps track of this sort of thing: The What If Machine. Its sole purpose is to examine crucial points in time and pinpoint the exact crossroad that led to the team bus driving off the cliff.

My own personal Seattle Supersonics What If Machine recently spat out a date: June 28, 2007. The day the Portland Trailblazers drafted Greg Oden. (I'm sure many Blazers fans would like to have a replay on that day as well.)

It's hard to imagine, but back in '07, most of us in Seattle were praying that we'd somehow get Oden. At the time, he was seen as the second coming of Bill Russell. Despite the long history of number one picks tanking and the fact that Oden's bones were apparently made out of paper mache, the mystique that comes with a top draft pick is undeniable. It might have, at least momentarily, galvanized the community to fight harder to keep the Sonics in town. At the very least, Ballard would have been ecstatic about having a guy (almost) named after Thor's dad.

More importantly, He Who Must Not Be Named would still be playing in the Northwest, wiping Sam Bowie from Portland's own What If Machine, while Mr. Eggshells For Bones would be on the Permanently Too Fragile To Play List for a very mediocre midwest team that no one cared about.

But, like the Mirror of Erised, spending too much time with the What If Machine will lead to madness. Dwelling in the past is the ultimate act of futility.

Kind of like cheering for a professional sports team.

Seattle Supersonics: Getting The Band Back Together

Jerome James and his garbage bag cape are still available, guys!

Sacramento Kings blog Sactown Royalty recently took a look at what a Seattle Sonics expansion team might look like.

Like many Sonics fans, I haven't paid attention to the NBA since 2008. I have always been, and will always be, a Seattle-centric basketball fan. So if I was in charge of putting together an expansion roster for Supersonics 2.0, I would, of course, go to what I know, which are former Sonics.

After doing a quick bit of research on the interwebs, here are all the former Seattle Supersonics that are still active in the NBA. (Note: I left off those guys from That Team I Will Never Mention because I will never, ever, ever, never mention them on this blog, even if we get another team. They're like one of those rogue countries that aren't recognized by the United Nations.)

So, without further ado, here are your 2013 (or '14, or '15) SEATTLE SUPERSONICS!

Chris Wilcox (Boston)
Jeff Green (Boston)
Reggie Evans (Brooklyn)
Kurt Thomas (NY)
Damien Wilkins (Philly)
Vladimir Radmanovic (Chicago)
Mickael Gelabale (Minnesota)
Luke Ridnour (Minnesota)
Earl Watson (Utah)
Johan Petro (Atlanta)
Ray Allen (Miami)
Rashard Lewis (Miami)
Jerome James (Caciques de Humacao)

Watch out, world! The New Old Sonics are going to be rocking the Over-50 Community Center Rec Leagues across the nation! BRING IT! (And by "it", I mean ibuprofen.)

For Sacramento Fans

Face it, if you're from Seattle and you have a friend from Sacramento, conversation is a little difficult these days. What better way to to bridge that awkward conversational gap than with a sentimental gift?

Ah, but what kind of gift? What could you possibly give to a Sacramentan that wouldn't set them frothing at the mouth?

I'm guessing Sonic-emblazoned toilet paper should do the trick.

When another city takes your team, sometimes wiping your posterior with that city's logo helps ease the pain.

(Etsy.com, via uni-watch.com).

Top 10 Terrible Basketball Movies That Are Still Better Than Thunderstruck

Let's take a moment to stop drooling over the Sacramento Kings and focus on more important things: like making fun of Thunderstruck.

Supposedly, a movie starring That Guy We Can't Talk About Anymore who's on That Team We Shall Not Name, briefly appeared in the theater(s?) last summer.  During its entire run, it didn't appear anywhere in the top 100 at the box office, redefining the term "limited release".

Never fear, Supersonicsouliacs: we've put together a list of 10 basketball movies that are, while almost entirely unwatchable, still better than that poor man's Like Mike rip-off:

Your Seattle Expansion Sonics?

One of these guys could be ours. Hint: not the good one. 

I think most of us here at Supersonicsoul would rather have an expansion team than the Sacramento Kings. Our friends at Sactown Royalty recently posted about what a Seattle Supersonics expansion team might look like. Hakim Warrick here we come!

Supersonicsoul on HuffPost Live TODAY!

MEDIA FREAKOUT ALERT: I'll be appearing on HuffPost Live today at 2pm PST to talk about the possible return of the Seattle Supersonics, the Sacramento deal and, of course, Supersonicsoul. Pray for me.

UPDATE: Now Kevin Johnson announced he is doing another press conference at 2pm also--that guy is obsessed with me!

UPDATE UPDATE: The whole show is now posted (see above). Sorry for lousy video feed. Note to self: Never bring an iPad to a knife fight.

Uh-oh . . .

HE'S WATCHING US!!

(You can follow us on Twitter too at @sonicsblog.)