Thursday, June 4

Sonic Playoff Quiz

As a devoted Seattle Sonic fan, the result from this year's NBA Finals which would please me the most would be:

A) Rashard Lewis averages 25 points and scores the winning 3-pointer in Game 6.

B) While gesturing at a teammate for failing to get him the ball in the fourth quarter, Kobe Bryant accidentally elbows himself in the face, causing him to miss the final two games of the series.

C) Aubrey McClendon is caught in a Mike Tice-like scandal when it is revealed that he sold his franchise's six tickets to the Finals for $687 and a Garth Brooks CD box set.

D) David Stern drops the O'Brien Trophy on his foot, causing a severe (though non-life-threatening) injury that forces him to abdicate his position as commissioner.

E) In Los Angeles, Stan Van Gundy bumps into Ron Jeremy while protesting a technical, resulting in a tear in the time/space continuum.

F) Pat Riley, realizing that, while his fingerprints are all over this series for both franchises he remains utterly irrelevent, crashes the ABC/ESPN set in a desperate attempt to rejuvenate his fading legacy and accidentally sets his hair on fire, moderately burning the other on-set analysts, although Magic was laughing the whole time, because, you know, ether takes a long time to burn off.


chunkstyle23 said...

Wow, tough choices. I'm gonna go with B. Though I'm sure it's physically impossible to pull off that move; on the other hand, I bet that if somebody mentioned to Kobe "nobody will ever be better than Jordan at elbowing himself in the face," Kobe would dedicate himself to mastering it.

ryan said...

G) Kobe Bryant dives into the stands to rescue a loose ball and breaks his wrist on David Stern's face.

Let's go Magic (clap, clap, clapclapclap)!

Anonymous said...

D) David Stern drops the O'Brien Trophy on his foot, causing a severe (though non-life-threatening) injury that forces him to abdicate his position as commissioner.

My fav but too PC.
I'll go with,

H) Stern found in dumpster outside of Staples Center with Sonics 30th Anniversay t-shirt stuffed down his throat.

JAS said...

Let’s think about this, my fellow vindictives. If Stern was forced to retire due to injury (I’m not sure dropping the O’Brien trophy on his foot would be that big a deal, anyway) or found murdered by a crazed Sonics fan, it would only engender sympathy and media soliloquies about what a great commissioner he has been. I would much rather see him ensnared by personal and/or professional scandals that bring his evil reign to a disgraceful end. That’s probably not gonna happen, but that would be my preference.
On a lighter note, I would guess that Aubrey would be more of a Toby Keith man. Then again, I would never have had him pegged for a wine connoisseur. I always figured wine-sniffing was for namby-pamby, left-coast, Frasier-watching toffs like us.

Steve said...

Any could work... I'm thinking the David Stern one takes that cake though. That being said, I've been dieing to see Ron Jeremy and Stan Van Gundy next to each other for a long time.

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