Friday, April 1

BREAKING NEWS: Kenny G buys Sacramento Kings, moving them to Seattle?

"That's right, folks! I'm gonna slam dunk this touchdown right in the goal!"

According to an anonymous source,  Seattle native and smooth jazz superstar Kenny G has finalized a deal to purchase the beleaguered Sacramento Kings and will relocate the team to his hometown. Seattle has been actively seeking a replacement for their beloved Supersonics since the team bolted to Oklahoma.
While the move to Seattle still has to be approved by the league, the best-selling musician is already planning big changes for the team. 

"Well, the name 'Supersonics' has got to go," G explains. "Way too aggressive. I'm thinking 'Seattle Songbirds'. You know, something smooth."

G says he will personally oversee a massive overhaul to Key Arena, something the NBA has stated would have to be addressed before a team could return to the stadium. 

"I'm going to replace all those glaring lights with scented candles. Something soft and romantic. Oh, and their costumes have got to change. I really hate those vests they wear on the basketball field. I'm thinking something in silk. And maybe a cape?"

While the deal may come as a surprise to many, NBA commissioner David Stern already seems onboard with the move. 

"As much as I detest the idea of Seattle getting a basketball team, I simply cannot resist the smooth jazz charms of Kenny G," says Stern. "Besides, I'm selling the league to China next week, so who gives a crap, right? Oh, and don't print that last part, it's sort a of a secret."