Tuesday, April 1

SHOCKER: Bennett and Stern get married

It was bound to happen.

Seattle Sonics owner Clay Bennett and NBA commissioner David Stern were married today in a private ceremony in Sweden.

"We've been in bed together over this whole Sonics deal, so I figured it was time to make an honest man out of Davey" Bennett joked.

"Plus, the sex is terrific," Stern added.

After the ceremony, the bridal bouquet was caught by the maid of honor, Aubrey McClendon.

"It was a beautiful wedding," said McClendon, dressed in a dazzling white evening gown. "There was nothing gay about it. This was an affirmation of two men's manly love for each other. You know, like pirates."

"Pirates who like to have sex with each other!" Stern shouted, giving McClendon a swift whack on the seat of his pants.

The newlyweds will be honeymooning at the posh "Steer's Rear" resort in scenic Oklahoma City. In lieu of gifts, the couple requests that donations be made in their names to the NBA civic demolition department.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yummy.

kdoublec said...

Best story ever.

ryan said...

Where are they registered? On second thought, I think I'll get them a paper bag full of something and leave it on the doorstep.

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to that 11 am press conference with Wong Doody or whatever they're called. Hope we get some solid info about a new arena - if it's privately financed, that's a huge chink in Stern/Bennett's armor.

Love the story by the way.

Nuss said...

Geez, I'm offended DaClay flew all the way to Sweden when they could have just driven to Vancouver to tie the knot. Everyone knows Canada will marry anyone and anything just for the $20 registration fee. Our maple syrup industry is on hard times and we need every cent we can get!

Paul Merrill said...

Looking forward to that 11 am press conference with Wong Doody or whatever they're called. Hope we get some solid info about a new arena - if it's privately financed, that's a huge chink in Stern/Bennett's armor.

I hate to ruin an April Fool's gag, but I know people at Wong Doody, and they are total pranksters. Please don't get your hopes up--I don't want to see Sonics fans jumping off the Ballard Bridge when they find out it's a hoax.
(Wong Doody used to do the Sonics ads back when they had a sense of humor)

Paul Merrill said...

(btw, the Sonics Central folks seem to think it's legit. Either that, or they're wayyyy better at satire than I ever imagined.)

Anonymous said...

I was at the reception, and it was great until the DJ started up with "It's Raining Men." Man, you don't ever want to see Bennett and Stern bumping and grinding on the dance floor.

Paul Merrill said...

Don't I?

ryan said...

I don't think today's press conference is a prank, if only because Wong Doody would get too much negative publicity for making fun of the situation. I'm not saying they couldn't inject some humor or silliness into the whole thing, but I truly doubt they'd want to waste everyone's time with a fake conference just to make a joke. That'd be pretty classless if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

"Pirates who like to have sex with each other!!!" I almost fell out of my seat laughing

Brandon said...

I'm putting this news on Wikipedia right now and citing this article.

Brandon said...

Hahaha apparently someone beat me to the vandalizing of Clay's Wikipedia page:

He is noted for an especially contageous infection of anal warts.

Poor Davey

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