Wednesday, April 1

Shawn Kemp running for Governor

At a surprise press conference Wednesday, former Seattle Supersonic Shawn Kemp announced his intention to run for Governor of Washington state.

"I figured if that Donaldson dude could run for mayor, I could easily be Governor," explained Kemp. "I mean, that guy was 7-2 and could barely dunk! I'm the Reign-Man, (expletive)!"

Despite being a five-time All-Star, Kemp is a political unknown. When pressed on his policies, Kemp summed up his views in two words:

"Legalize it. Seriously, why are we still putting people in jail for pot? Do you know how much tax revenue this country could bring in from the Trailblazers alone?"

Kemp, who spent the past decade battling weight, drug and alcohol problems while attempting a prolonged comeback to the NBA, has not ruled out a return to basketball.

"I've still got game. I just beat Patty Murray in a little one-on-one last week, and have no doubt I'm up to the task of dunking on Gregoire."

"Also, did you know that Donaldson was born in England? Seriously, what's up with that?"

8 comments:

ryan said...

He's got my vote, (expletive).

chunkstyle23 said...

Obligatory crack about enough of his kids being of voting age in 3, 2, 1...

MarkS said...

Breaking news: Aubrey McClendon has given all his money to charity and decided to become a monk.

Clay Bennett not to be out done has joined Jenny Craig.

ZenDoc said...

Very cute. The thing is that he COULD win! I wish he would have held that press conference. The biggest problem is that he's not a Washington State resident is he?

Paul Merrill said...

I'm pretty sure he and Darryl Dawkins share a condo on Planet Lovetron.

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