Monday, March 27

Danny Fortson: Cyborg Smasher, Part 1

Click thumbnail to view complete image.

Let us forget the collective hardwood heartbreak of the past four days (State o' Washington teams 1-3, the one win a rousing though ultimately meaningless Sonic win over the Spurs) and see what merry adventures our dear Mr. Fortson has in store for us.

Warning: viewer discretion advised for some salty language. (And, in case you missed it, here's the front cover.)

Note: When viewing the complete image, Internet Explorer users might have to click the "Expand to full size" button to read the comic.

UPDATE---> To read the entire comic GO HERE!

21 comments:

Валерий Гринев said...

Great. I hope that Damon Jones will be Danny's next victim .

Carrie said...

Niiice! I was walking by the Mirabeau Room last night and they had a sign up inviting all to "Danny Fortson's 30th Birthday Party." Tempting, yet I resisted...

doubledribble! said...

Best one yet!

I was watching the Sonics and getting utterly frustrated with their inability to run ONE play in the final 2:30. In those following 2 minutes the Sonics had 4 possessions. In those 4 possesions, the Sonics not only couldn't score but they didn't even get a shot off! Not one attempt! I think Ridnour had 4-5 turnovers in the final 2 minutes. Ridiculous. So, now the Spurs are up by 2 and Ray Ray decides to take control. But during those 2 minutes of immense frustration, I found myself questioning the validity of the "Seattle Curse" you know, the one that says that no Seattle based Major sports team will ever win anything of great importance? Yeah, that curse.

-"But, what about the 79' Sonics?!?!-

Gimmie a break! I am sick of that "When I was a kid, we used to walk 40 miles uphill both ways to get to school!" crap. Were you at the game? Were you at the Parade? I didn't think so. Plus, Seattle was a different city back then. It was about tough blue collar Boeing employees that defined the team's character. Rough, tough and willing to do anything to get the job done.
Anyways, here is my question:

What is it going to take for Seattle to win a championship?

AND

Is it the character of the City that makes a champion or the Team?

chunkstyle23 said...

PPS: Note to Danny: Just to show that we're not sore about not getting an engraved invite to your birthday party, you can consider this comic your gift. Now you just have to make it last 'til Christmas, 'cause that's it for presents until then.

chunkstyle23 said...

Dub-Dib: Good question. The way those east coast, rust-belt types talk, you'd think their cities' blue-collar character and coal-smudged populace gave their sports teams the boost and grit they needed to win it all.

In the old NBA, you could make a good case for that, with all the trophies that went to places like Boston, Chicago, Philly... but maybe it's different nowadays. LA and San Antone don't strike me as blue-collar and gritty. But it probably does have a little something to do with front offices going after players that appeal to local tastes, and whether those players can generate the chemistry for a championship.

Whatever the secret is, a free-spending ownership certainly is not part of the recipe (ahem, Blazers and Knicks).

doubledribble! said...

" But it probably does have a little something to do with front offices going after players that appeal to local tastes"

... and thats why the Sonics will never win a championship with this current ownership. Schultz wants to build a white collar team which is appealing to some Supersonic fans but a horrible basis for developing a championship contending team. We have traded or lost every player that had balls, GP was a leader on the court and off but the Sonics turned bitter when GP started questioning the ownerships decision making. This ownership is responsible for some of the worst trades and signings in supersonic history. Since 1996 the Supes have lead the league in "Nice guy" signings. Vin Baker, Jim Mcilvaine, Jerome James, Kendal Gill, Hersey Hawkins, to name a few. But the worst signing and the single reason why Howard's white collar team concept will never work in modern NBA, was Paul Westphal. Paul is the epitome of ball-less NBA coaches past their time. I don't care how good of a man he is off the court, Westphal's coaching style will never win a championship in the NBA, NCAA, etc..

Bottom line. Wilcox and Watson are great pieces and steps in the right direction but in order to make a realistic push at a championship we need a Michael Cage, Ricky Pierce, GP, Xavier McDaniels, Shawn Kemp circa 95-96 type of players. Ron Artest was that guy. He is someone you build your teams attitude around (On the court attitude, NOT OFF!) and the Sonic's didn't pull the trigger because they wouldn't trade Collison... Point #52 of reasons why Nice teams never win.

Jason said...

Well done, gentlemen--this explains a lot.

Lance Uppercut said...

Can Ha Seung-Jin be the next cyborg? Danny could get himself sent down to the D-league in order to take on the 7'3 Korean. His cyborg name could be "Seuol Man." I'd cross post it. please.

doubledribble! said...

oooooohhh I think I know who your talking about!

Is he that guy with the deformed cranium? The one with the insanely large frontal brow? The "Missing Link"? Lost brother or RIchard Kiel? (richardkiel.com) Tell me if I haven't made his appearance clear enough...

Lance Uppercut said...

That's the one. His hair even parts in the back, where I assume they plug the extention cord to charge his batteries every night.

Biggie said...

Hey Lance,

I was surfing the net today and I came across a posting of yours on Deadspin, about the Duke Lacrosse team scandal. I liked what you had to say, you made some good points. I just have this, if that happened at Grambling St. and it was an all black Lacrosse team and those women were white, how do you think this would go down?? I find it atrocious that they only had to forfeit one game, they should cancel the program for good. Yelling shit like "B--ch, tell your grandfather thanks for my cotton shirt", then raping and sodomizing the woman. I wish I was in that area and heavily strapped, I swear on my grandmothers grave there'd be some dead white boyz that night. I can't believe that none of these douchbags would come forward, they probably won't get an hour of jail time, but here's hoping they get the max 16yrs that this crime carries and that they get gang raped by Leon Lett lookin' brothas all day long. Bitches.

Lance Uppercut said...

Big,
I'm glad you liked it, but unfortunatly, it wasn't I who wrote it. Could you post a link of it, as I'd like to read it. I agree that those Duke Lax guys are dickhead bitches. They should all get locked up and turned out. They'd be getting to rat each other out after 5 minutes.

Biggie said...

YEAH, HOLD UP.

Biggie said...

Here's the link to the Duke LAX team
http://www.deadspin.com/sports/lacrosse/duke-lacrosse-team-on-the-brink-163424.php

I don't know how to make the links that you just click on so, this'll have to do.

Lance Uppercut said...

That link got cut-off. Two handy link hints for ya big. First, when you've got a URL that's huge (much like the one you've posted) go to www.tinyurl.com, paste the link in the "Make Tiny URL!" box, click the box, and cut and paste the link it spits out. Much shorter and easier to paste.
Secondly, to make links "hot" you have to use html, to be specific, the "href" tag. So lets use www.blazersedge.com as an example. To make it clickable you'd enter the script(I'm putting in a # sign so the link doesn't actually turn into a hot link) #Blazers Edge# The part in quotes denote where the page is at, and the part after the greater than/less than sign is the text that you see when on the link. It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it.

Lance Uppercut said...

Never mind Big. Just visit this page if you want to learn how to make a hyperlink.

Mr. F said...

Awesome comic guys, humor in an otherwise unpleasant season is appreciated.

Biggie said...

Thanks Lance, I'll study up on that, for now just go to deadspin.com and scroll down a bit.

Carlo said...

This is the greatest thing evar. MORE PLEASE!

Anonymous said...

Today's brides preferred to keep their and their bridesmaids jewelry to a minimum, cheap wedding dresseschoosing Swarovski crystal,wedding invitations classic pearls clusters and pearl strands necklaces, with matching earrings. wedding dressesReplicas of celebrity tiaras, wedding invitationsas well as tiaras studded with crystal and,wedding gownsor pearls are most popular.

Noble Tiffany said...

abercrombie and fitchabercrombie and fitch
abercrombieabercrombie
abercrombie hoodiesabercrombie hoodies
abercrombie jacketsabercrombie jackets
abercrombie sweatersabercrombie sweaters
abercrombie jeansabercrombie jeans
abercrombie t shirtsabercrombie t shirts
abercrombie saleabercrombie sale
abercrombie and fitch clothingabercrombie and fitch clothing
abercrombie clothingabercrombie clothing
abercrombie mensabercrombie mens
abercrombie womensabercrombie womens
Ruehl No.925Ruehl No.925
abercrombie outletabercrombie outlet
hollisterhollister
hollister clothinghollister clothing