We all know Clay Bennett will be in a bit of a bind for the next couple of years if the city wins its lawsuit against the team. Attendance will resemble early 80s Mariner games, and even the lousiest team Sam Presti can assemble will still cost upwards of $45 million a year.
So, here are some tips for Mr. Bennett on how to save a few bucks in the next 24 months, because, as you know, we're all about helping a fella out when he's on hard times:
1. Scrap radio broadcasts in favor of text messaging.
2. Have television broadcasts “Re-Create” road games in a Seattle studio using sound props.
3. Eliminate advertising budget. Oops, forgot, already did that last year.
4. Replace per diem for players with sack lunches.
5. Trade players with longer-term contracts for short-term ones, regardless of talent. Wait, did that last year, too.
6. Eliminate green and gold jerseys and just go with gray for both home and away to cut down on laundry costs. Check with Chico Bail Bonds for sponsorship possibilities on new jerseys.
7. Trade this year’s first-rounders for first-rounders next year. Continue process until team has moved to OKC.
8. Replace Gatorade on bench with tap water with yellow food coloring.
9. See if Presti will fit into the Squatch outfit.
10. Look into applying for federal school lunch program funds to replace concessions.
11. Ask your wife for some more money.