Tuesday, March 14

Danny Fortson: Cyborg Smasher!

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The seemingly illogical ejections. The bonecrushing elbows. The months of chillin' in street clothes at the end of the bench. Finally, the truth behind these and other mysteries can be told in this feature exclusive to Supersonicsoul.

Ladies and gentlemen, in the grand tradition of such timeless classics as "Shaq Fu," Dennis Rodman's "Double Team" and "Michael Jordan's Chaos in the Windy City," we proudly present:

DANNY FORTSON: CYBORG SMASHER.

[At least the cover of it, anyway.]

39 comments:

Biggie said...

That shit is nice y'all. Funny as shit. Is it a real comic or just the cover? If it's real I wanna read it. lol

Nuss said...

I liked the part where he hurts Tony Parker. Does this mean he's gonna put the moves on Eva Longoria next? For nothing else, it'll give you a chance to draw her, chunk.

Lance Uppercut said...

Great stuff, though I smell a lawsuit. Fort has no problem getting litigious on your asses.

chunkstyle23 said...

Oh crap, you're right. Colangelo had to flee the freakin' country to escape Da Fort's litigiosity. Clear off the sleeper sofa, Pete, I'm crashing at your place. Forever.

Qdaily said...

Every superhero needs a sidekick... c'mon people, let's hear some suggestions!

-Q

b_con said...

Well, Jerome already wore a garbage bag cape...

Biggie said...

His sidekick's gotta be Olden Polynice in some form.

Biggie said...

Oh ok, here's one;

Rick Brunson: Beleaguered D-Leaguer

Nuss said...

How 'bout Johan Petro as the sidekick? He could wear a beret and smack people with his "Baguette of Death."

Dick Tate said...

Speaking of Petro... 8 boards in 9 minutes last night. Why didn't he get more burn?

Small ball against the Suns? What a joke!

Biggie said...

Swift is starting to really piss me off, mostly because he doesn't seem to remember the good things he's done from a game-to-game basis. It's like he starts over everynight, contrary to the allmighty SonicsCentral.com I really think Petro is improving leaps and bounds over Swifty. Swift shows some really great flashes some times but to me Petro is far more consistent. I really fuckin hate Craig Ehlo, is there some way we could start a petition and stand in front of Key Arena with it and really get Ehlo off the air, he hurts my brain, I shouldn't have to dumb myself down to him for every damn game. I wish they'd bring back Marques Johnson.

Hill's rotations are starting to bug me, he sits people too long, like last night with Wilcox he sat him so long that when he came back in he was ice cold, Rashard too. And somebody needs to tell these fools to stop shooting 3's all the goddamn time, sometimes you can just watch these fools shoot them selves out of a game by just layin' bricks like fuckin masons out this bitch.

Anonymous said...

Never diss D Mace in my presence.

Biggie said...

Dude, I'm talkin' about masons as in bricklayers. I love the Cowboy and my post had nothing to do with him in any way whatsoever. Books have all the answers. Read.

dick tate said...

Yeah Biggie, Wilcox sat way too long as well (26 min, no fouls).

Center (LMAO) Rashard Lewis needed to find his way to the line (2 FTA).

dick tate said...

Right on about Marques Johnson. He was the best. Ehlo is indeed a pain in the brain.

Lance Uppercut said...

I've never heard Ehlo do commentary, but he must be horrible if you're jonesing for Marques Johnson. I don't know if he steps up his game for the NBA, but he's about the worst for Pac-10 games.

dick tate said...

MJ was great with Calabro.
Listening to Ehlo would make your ears bleed. Consider yourself lucky.

Biggie said...

Marques Johnson is the shit, nobody uses words like "Yaka" more appropriatley than MJ. Lance you haven't watched a sonics game on TV in the last 2 years and you're on Sonicssoul.com???

smallie said...

"Swift is starting to really piss me off"
Of course he is - he's white.

"Hill's rotations are starting to bug me"
Of course they are - he's white.

Who else bugs you? Oh yeah, Ridnour. He's white. (I'm missing out Ehlo, 'cause everyone agrees on him)

Dude, broaden your outlook. If someone came here bagging on just the non-white guys, you'd go ballistic.

Qdaily said...

Nevertheless, I can't wait for the "Forston Vs. Brian Scalabrene: Basketbrawl" double issue... coming soon to a newsstand near you!

Biggie said...

Smallie, extremly clever name, very inventive. To answer your accusation as to what I would do in a certain situation; Would I, Would I really?? Wow you know me so well, it's like you are my white opposite smallie.

Biggie said...

Because I would like to see Swift become more consistent, Because I would like Bob Hill to solidify his Rotations, And because I would like Ridnour to gain some weight and play some defense makes me racist. Wow, ok, well if that's the case then guilty as charged. That must explain why I watch Husky games and cheer my ass of but it's difficult because I have to go so quickly from cheers to boos every time Appleby and Dentmon pass the ball back and forth, it goes something like this;

"yeah Dentmon go baby, blackpower. No don't give it to Appleby white bastard go to hell pass it to Jamal Williams. Yeah go Jamal blackpower baby whooo, oh crap he gave it to Brockman noooooo I hope you turn the ball over and we lose the game you white piece of crap AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH" Then i froth at the mouth and scream any an all racial epithets about white people i can think of for the next 3hrs. Dude are you spying on me????? :)

Lance Uppercut said...

I actually read this site for the articles Big. They don't tend to broadcast many Sonics games here in Oregon, and even if they did, I'm too busy watching the Blazers get pummelled every night to fit another sub-par Northwest team into my viewing.
If I want to hear a guy spout trite catch phrases, I'd watch Blue Collar TV. I prefer my announcers to put the focus on the game, not on themselves.

Biggie said...

Ok I feel you. To each his own. I hate Dick Vitale, some people love him. If you ever have the misfortune of hearing Craig Ehlo you will understand instantly what I'm talking about (he's almost as bad as Bill Walton).

Lance Uppercut said...

No one is as bad as Walton.

smallie said...

What about all your 'not going to win a trophy with a white pg' crap from previous posts? You always appear to bash only the white players. Just an observation. How about calling for the rash to be more consistent? Talk about an overpayed soft ass. Don't hear you complaining about him though. Nope, just whiey on your shit list. But hey, denial is a big country, and you're always welcome there, whatever your color.

Biggie said...

Ok buddy. Thanks. Ask around I've talked about Rashard and how much he pisses me off always shooting 3's when he should be in the post. But I guess you decided not to see that. By all means chase around my posts and bring up stupid shit, it's funny. -1

Biggie said...

Lance,

True no one is as bad as Billy.

Hey Smallie, Bill Walton is white, but in this case it's just coincidence. My most hated NBA player of all time is Karl Malone, but he might as well be white. lol

smallie said...

Walton sucks ass. The only reason he's on TV is because, well, TV sucks ass for the most part. At least he doesn't bite backs - how that ass could ever show his face in public is beyond me. As for Malone, full agreement on all counts.

Biggie said...

So you can stop riding my dick now right?

biggie said...

I dunno - it's a nice ride. Maybe a little short, but... ;-)

Biggie said...

Ok, well enjoy.

Hey Lance,

Let me be the first to inform you of a move in the NBA. 'drumroll' The Portland Trailblazers at this time next year will be the Las Vegas Trailblazers. Or the Las Vegas Degenerate Gamblers, they'll have some dice resting on a dirty thong as their logo.

Biggie said...

Btw, I don't know if any of you have been to TheModernGuy.com but on this site they are dicussing a new holiday, kind of a mens valentines day it's march 14th and it's called 'Steak and Blowjob' day, the title is pretty self explanitory. I for one think that it is awesome and I will try and get a belated one from my wife, I suggest you do some negotiating of your own. What an awesome concept, 3 cheers.

Lance Uppercut said...

I don't think that Blazers leaving is going to happen. It could, but a perfect storm of events would have to occur, especially considering that the lease agreement the RG has with Paul Allen is fairly airtight. If they do move, it won't be to Vegas. Vancouver seems to be pushing hard, which is strange considering how things went for the griz. I think both the Sonics and the Blazers have an equal chance of moving this year.

Biggie said...

Yeah we're going to bellevue, you guys are going to Vegas. Trust me the next NBA city will be Las Vegas. The NBA doesn't like having a team in Toronto, so there's no way they're giving Canada another team.

Nuss said...

I agree with Lance, the idea of the Blazers leaving Portland seems pretty unlikely. All Portland needs is a reasonably intelligent and honest owner and they'd sell that place out in 5 minutes. I lived in Oregon for 5 years, and I have never seen any fans that loved their team as much as Blazer fans love(d) the Blazers. Most of that was due to the fact the Ducks weren't the national team they've become, and alot to the fact there aren't any other pro teams around, but the Blazers remain the Packers of the NBA in my opinion.

As for the Vancouver Sonics/Blazers/whatevers - it ain't going to happen anytime soon. It turns out the guy who was speaking for the Vancouver ownership group was running his mouth, and he has since been told to - effectively - shut up by John McCaw and Francesco Aquilini (the people for whom he was purportedly speaking). As someone who has lived in BC for nearly 10(!) years, I can say with full certainty that this city does not want an NBA team, unless the NBA begins to play on ice.

Anonymous said...

Vancouver deserves another NBA team. The Grizzlies were a joke...when in Vancouver they were had the worst home AND road winning percentage of any city in NBA history, they still hold the NBA record for longest losing streak ever at 23games (and had threatened to break their own record a few times after that with some 20 game losing streaks). The city of Vancouver NEVER saw a good NBA game in six season, NOT ONE. How could they when they had a team that averaged about 15 wins per season??? The NBA made a HUGE mistake moving the Grizz to Memphis.....have you seen the latest attendance figures??!?!? The Grizzlies have been a 40+ win team for the last 3 years and the average Vancouver attendance for the 15 win teams is STILL larger then the average Memphis crowd for their current 40+ win team. The current 2006 Grizzlies team would be sold out every night at GM Place, GUARANTEED! Vancouver is a hoops town, the fan base is there to sell out the Canucks and an NBA team every night. I speak for all my Vancouverites, we don't expect championships, but we expect teams that will play hard and be competitive, that's all. Of course championship teams are more then welcome! After what the NBA did to screw over the city the last time with the Grizz, they owe it to Vancouver.... I am a part of the basketball community in Vancouver and I can tell you, we want the NBA back to redeem themselves for the mess they made the last time they were here.

Anonymous said...

Vancouver was screwed no doubt we had a owner that didnt care about this team and always wanted to get rid of team the owner wanted the team to do bad he wanted the attendence to be bad during the last season hear you couldnt even get a tickets only two three people were selling tickets hear and yes this is a hockey town but this quickly turning into a basketball town too u would b surprised to find out how many people love to watch and play basketball there are alot of basketball fans hear basketball in Vancouver would do great we need a team i soo badly want a team hear

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