Tuesday, June 17

In Our Dreams

We now join an episode of Judge Judy already in progress ...

JJ: So let me get this straight – according to an email from your friend Mr. Kneeland, you overpaid for your franchise, do I have that correct?

CB: Well, ma’am, it’s a bit more ...

JJ: Sir, you want to say something to me? Then say it. Did you overpay for your franchise or not?

CB: Yes, ma’am, that is correct. It was a rushed situation and that fella David kept pressuring me, and, well, I guess I just acted foolishly. But that shouldn’t ...

JJ: I didn’t ask for your cockamamie excuses why you acted like a fool. Remember, beauty fades, but dumb last forever. I just wanted to know if you, in fact, overpaid for your team. You answered yes. Now let’s move on. As I understand it, you’re telling me that the reason you couldn’t contribute any money to a new stadium is due to the fact you overpaid for the team. Is that correct?

CB: Yes, that would be correct.

JJ: So let me get this straight, because you acted like a teenage boy with too much allowance money, the taxpayers of Seattle are now responsible for paying hundreds of millions of dollars for a new arena?

CB: Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that, ma’am. You see, we’ve got plenty of other cities out there that want us to move in, and ...

JJ: Just what exactly does that have to do with the price of tea in China, sir? Are you telling me that you think you can extort Seattle taxpayers by using some other municipality? Is that what you are telling me?

CB: Well, you see, I really was a man possessed to get something done in Seattle, and ...

JJ: You mess around with me, young man, and I’ll wipe the floor with you. We already covered that “man possessed” bit before the last commercial, and I don’t think you want to take a drive down that road again, now do you?

CB: No, ma’am, I do not.

JJ: So, back to what I asking you before you tried to re-direct the conversation. The fact you wanted to pick this team up and move it to your backyard does not have anything to do with this case, do you understand that? What I am trying to ascertain here is if you are required to fulfill the obligations of the lease you signed with the city of Seattle. Now, according to testimony we heard earlier, you said that Oklahoma City would derive $180 million in benefits from the Sonics relocating there. Is that correct?

CB: Um, yes, yes, that is correct, I did say that.

JJ: And you told someone else that the city of Renton would receive an “economic turnaround” from having a new arena. Is that correct?

CB: Yes, ma’am, that is correct.

JJ: But you don’t feel that Seattle would receive any benefit from your presence? Is that what you want me to believe?

CB: Well, you see, Seattle is such a real big city, and I just don’t think they would miss the Sonics all that much.

JJ: Sir, don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. That’s a nonsense argument and you know it. I’m going to ask you again, and I’ll remind you that you’re under oath, are you telling me that Oklahoma City and Renton would derive hundreds of millions of dollars in benefits from the Sonics, but that Seattle would get zippo? And because of that it’s all right for you to pick up and move the Sonics in the midst of a lease that you signed?

CB: Um, well ... let me check my papers, here ...

JJ: Hey, I’m the boss, applesauce! You keep your eyes up here! You know what, I’m tired of this. I can’t believe you’re wasting my time and the time of all of the people gathered here with this ridiculous case. I’m not even going to bother reviewing the rest so let’s just put an end to this nonsense once and for all. I’m finding for the city, and that’s the end of it.

CB: Um, your honor, do I get my $100 for showing up? Your producer, I think her name’s Jenny?, she told me I’d get $100 for being on the show. You see, my wife told me if I lost this case that I might as well get a hotel room ‘cuz of all the money this is costing us, and well, I could really use that $100 ...

16 comments:

Kevin said...

Talk abut pathetic. Your imagination will do nothing to keep the Sonics in Seattle. Might make you feel better but any child can post dribble such as this. Now, I think I hear your mommy calling. Better get on home now.

Anonymous said...

The Okie hick trolls are out everywhere aren't they?

Man, that was funny stuff! You nailed it!

ryan said...

Anybody else check out the link by Kevin's name? It's to a world hunger site. I can't believe someone would

1) use a world hunger site as his link
2) post insulting comments with that link active

I mean, geez, man, don't you feel just a little bit like a hypocrite?

Agree with #2 - that was funny stuff.

Willis Carmichael said...

classic.

Kevn said...

I actually support that charity. And I link it in the hopes others might see it and support it as well. While you might be too petty to do so, others may prove more compassionate. Should have known better though. My 14 years living in Seattle taught me one thing, Seattle folks are, by and large, petty simple minded people.

chunkstyle23 said...

That was awesome. But you know, I'm so simple-minded, I find cereal box ingredients incredibly funny. And internet commenters to be philanthropical geniuses who can't spell their fake name the same way twice.

Kevin said...

The best you can do is attack my spelling? Thank you Chunkstyle23 for proving my point.

chunkstyle23 said...

a peek inside the mind of a troll:

"I'm gonna keep checking this thread because it's SO important I show these peons how foolish and immature they are! Because getting the last word in proves my intellect has rendered them mute! Watch this!"

Brandon said...

Sheesh... you guys are both checking the thread too damn much. Shut up and watch Kobe cry.

twel603 said...

Im not a Sonics fan (Clippers fan here from San Diego) however I just wanted to pledge my support for the fans of the Seattle Sonics. I hope Clay Bennett is somehow forced to release the team he is currently in posession of and that the Supersonics stay in Seattle. Seattle just wouldn't be the same without the Sonics. Go Sonics fans and do everything you can to keep your team and make Clay go away! Sincerely Tom from San Diego area.

Meaghan said...

That was very clever chunky! I loved reading that! :)

Meaghan said...

And the blog was hilarious! That would definitely be a dream come true if it could play out like that!

AK1984 said...

When the fuck is everyone goin' to quit actin' like a bunch of goddamn cuntish bitches -- which isn't just in reference to some Okie trolls, but also the militant gang of biased homers who're so-called Sonic activists -- and, in turn, once again discuss topics that are related to actual basketball?

For whatever the hell it's motherfuckin' worth to y'all, that'd honestly be a refreshin' change of pace. Y'know, it's not an altogether crazy concept!

SonicsCentral, however, has devolved into a full-fledged piece of shit that's been entirely overrun by a bunch of cocksuckin', knob slobbin', cum guzzlin', jizz gurglin' cultists -- while the public forums at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and the Seattle Times have always been flooded with ignorant 'tards -- thus, generally speaking, SuperSonicSoul is the last bastion of competence around these parts.

Dammit, I just want things to quickly get back on track and return to normal—although that wish seems to be a pipe dream.

AK1984 said...

Anyhow, aside from my long-winded rant, Pete N. deserves major kudos for his entertainin' piece.

It's hilarious stuff.

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