Monday, March 10

Overheard at the NBA Offices

"Mr. Stern, there’s a Mr. Bennett on line 2 for you."

DS: Okay, thank you, Andrea, I’ll take the call.

DS: Hello, Clay, how are things in Oklahoma City today?

CB: Well, that’s not why I’m calling, David. This situation in Seattle is startin’ to go sideways a little bit. You told me when I bought this team that we’d have smooth sailin’, and now it looks like that female governor is startin’ to change her mind.

DS: Clay, Clay, Clay. Don’t worry, it will all work out in the end.

CB: Now see here, Stern, I didn’t spend $350 million of wife’s father’s hard-earned money just to live half the year in that hippie-infested rainforest. You told me that those people were a bunch of whiny liberals that would never approve a new stadium. So long as I played like I was goin’ to try to get a new arena there, you’d back me up about movin’ to Oklahoma.

DS: Yes, well, things have changed a bit now. Perhaps an alternative arrangement will have to be made, but don’t worry, I have a myriad of possibilities lined up.

CB: I don’t want other possibilities, I want this team and I want it in Oklahoma. Now are you going to back me or aren’t you?

DS: Now, Clay, I advise you not to get so agitated. After all, with the Board of Governors meeting coming up in a few weeks, I believe it is in your best interests to keep a civil tone in these proceedings.

CB: Now what the hell does that mean, Stern? Are you tellin’ me you all are thinkin’ about denying me from movin’ this team to Oklahoma?

DS: Not exactly, Clay. Perhaps the best resolution to this scenario is a franchise swap, yes? Michael in Memphis is quite fed up with the franchise there, and he and I have spoken at length about the possibility of you taking over his team, and moving it to Oklahoma. It’s really not a concern.

CB: Excuse me? You tellin’ me I’m givin’ up that Durant fella, my boy Sam, PJ, and all those draft picks, and in return I get the gol’ darn Grizzlies? That doesn’t sound like much of a fair swap to me, Stern!

DS: Ah, Clay, well perhaps you would rather I deny the franchise relocation, force you to sell, and leave Oklahoma City with no team altogether? I’m sure we could arrange a D-League team to play at your new arena.

CB: Now wait just a cotton pickin’ minute. Why am I gettin’ the feeling I’ve been used? Now see here, Stern, did you just get me to buy this team so you could trick Seattle into building a new arena?

DS: Now, Clay, I would never trick anyone. If you buying the team forced Seattle into doing what I wanted them to do all along, while simultaneously giving me a new arena in another town which I can now use as leverage against the next city which defies the NBA, well, what’s wrong with that?

CB: You dirty little halfpint. I can’t believe I got suckered in. I knew I should have dealt with them hockey folks. At least you know where they’re comin’ from. Now what about my money? Am I goin’ to get my $350 million back? Well?

DS: I’m sorry, Clay, but I have to take another call.


Anonymous said...

You kid yourself if you think most of the people in Oklahoma will be satisfied with nothing but the Sonics. Keep Durant and PJ. Keep the Sonics. We don't care. OKC wants a team, and the Grizzlies would do just fine. As would an expansion team or the Hornets. Durant is an injury away from being a trivia question, and PJ's not Pop. Of course I can't speak for Clay Bennett.

Anonymous said...

That is a smart comment!! We will take the broke down Grizzlies instead of the up and coming Sonics. Don't worry we plan to keep the Sonics in Seattle and we will deal with our "Trivia Question".

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, hoodoo, what Oklahoma City wants has very little to do with it. As any Seattle Sonic fan will tell you, the team does not belong to you, it belongs to Clay Bennett.

Considering he overpaid for the team to begin with (to the tune of $50 to $100 million more than he should have), don't think Bennett would be just as pleased to have the Grizzlies as he would the Sonics. Sure, in the long run, it probably doesn't matter as much, but short-term it makes a very big difference.

Anonymous said...

Aren't all young players with crazy potential just one injury away from being a trivia question? Jason Williams anyone?

Anonymous said...

who cares